Co-regulation and Safety

Before we move into the specifics of TRE practice, we need to address two fundamental concepts that underpin all effective somatic work: co-regulation and safety. Understanding these will help you create the conditions for successful practice and make sense of why certain approaches are more effective than others.

Neuroception and Felt Safety

As we discussed in the section on the nervous system, neuroception is the nervous system's automatic, unconscious process of evaluating safety. Unlike conscious perception, neuroception operates below awareness, constantly scanning our environment and relationships for cues of safety or danger.

This distinction is crucial: we can know intellectually that we are safe while our nervous system continues to perceive threat. The thinking brain can analyse a situation and conclude there is no danger, but if the nervous system's neuroception says otherwise, we will still feel unsafe. Our hearts will race, our muscles will tense, our breathing will quicken.

Safety is not just the absence of threat. It is a felt sense that must be perceived by the body, not just understood by the mind.

– Deb Dana, Polyvagal Theory in Therapy

This is why simply telling ourselves (or being told by others) that we are safe often does not work. The nervous system needs different cues – bodily experiences of safety – to shift its assessment.

Felt safety refers to this embodied sense of being safe. It is not a thought but a physical state: relaxed muscles, slow breathing, open posture, the capacity to rest. Creating conditions for felt safety is foundational to TRE practice and to somatic healing more broadly.

The Role of Co-regulation

Humans are social creatures, and our nervous systems evolved to be regulated in relationship. From the moment of birth, infants rely on their caregivers for regulation. A baby cannot self-soothe; it needs an attuned adult to provide calming presence, rhythmic movement, and reassuring touch. Through thousands of these interactions, the baby's nervous system gradually develops its own capacity for regulation.

This process is called co-regulation: the mutual influence of nervous systems on one another. When we are in the presence of a calm, grounded person, our own nervous systems tend to settle. When we are around someone who is anxious or agitated, we may notice our own arousal increasing.

Mirror Neurons

Research on mirror neurons has shown that we literally simulate others' states in our own bodies. When we observe someone performing an action or expressing an emotion, similar neural patterns activate in our own brains. This is one mechanism underlying co-regulation.

Co-regulation is not just for infants; it remains important throughout life. Even as adults, our nervous systems are influenced by those around us. This is why:

• Being with a calm therapist can help us regulate
• Support groups can be healing
• Social isolation is so detrimental to mental health
• Partner and group TRE practice can be particularly powerful

For many people, especially those who experienced relational trauma or insecure attachment, the capacity for co-regulation may be underdeveloped or complicated by fear of closeness. Part of healing involves rebuilding this capacity: learning to receive and offer regulation in relationship.

The Social Engagement System

Stephen Porges' polyvagal theory identifies the social engagement system as the most evolved regulatory mechanism in mammals. This system, mediated by the ventral vagal complex, links the heart with the muscles of the face, head, and voice.

When the social engagement system is active, we can:

• Make eye contact comfortably
• Attune to others' emotional states
• Modulate our voice expressively
• Display facial expressions that communicate safety
• Listen effectively

Importantly, the social engagement system can only come online when we feel safe. When the nervous system perceives threat, it shifts down the hierarchy to mobilisation (fight/flight) or shutdown, and social engagement becomes unavailable.

This has practical implications for TRE practice:

• Creating a sense of safety is a prerequisite for effective practice
• Practising with others (when ready) can activate the social engagement system
• The quality of your relationship with yourself matters: self-compassion is a form of internal co-regulation

Building Capacity

Capacity refers to the nervous system's ability to handle activation without becoming dysregulated. A person with high capacity can experience significant stress, intense emotions, or challenging situations while maintaining access to their regulatory resources. They may move into activation but can return to baseline.

Capacity is not fixed; it can be developed. This is one of the primary benefits of regular TRE practice: over time, the nervous system builds greater capacity for handling activation.

Capacity is built through:

Pendulation: The natural rhythm of moving between activation and calm. In TRE, we allow tremors (activation) to arise and then use self-regulation to return to calm, repeatedly. This teaches the nervous system that it can move into activation and successfully come back.

Titration: Working in small, manageable doses rather than overwhelming the system. We do not seek the most intense tremors possible; we work within our window of tolerance.

Successful completion: When the nervous system has the experience of moving through activation to successful resolution, it learns that activation is survivable. This is fundamentally different from having activation interrupted or suppressed.

Resourcing: Building awareness of and access to states of calm, groundedness, and safety. The more familiar we are with these states, the more easily we can return to them.

Why Intensity Is Not the Goal

Some people assume that more intense tremors or stronger emotional releases mean better healing. This is not the case. Overwhelming the nervous system with intensity it cannot integrate is counterproductive. The goal is always to work within the window of tolerance, building capacity gradually.

Creating Safety for Practice

Given the importance of felt safety, how do we create conditions that support our nervous system in perceiving safety during TRE practice?

Physical environment:

• Choose a quiet, private space where you will not be interrupted
• Ensure comfortable temperature
• Use soft lighting rather than harsh overhead lights
• Have blankets and cushions available for support and warmth
• Consider soothing background sounds if helpful (nature sounds, soft music)

Internal environment:

• Practise at times when you are not rushing
• Avoid practising when highly activated or distressed
• Begin with grounding exercises
• Maintain an attitude of curiosity rather than forcing outcomes
• Remember that you can stop at any time

Relational factors:

• If learning TRE, work with a certified provider initially
• When ready, practising with a trusted partner can enhance co-regulation
• Even when practising alone, you can cultivate internal co-regulation through self-compassion

Self-regulation tools:

• Have grounding techniques ready to use if needed
• Know how to slow or stop the tremors
• Keep water nearby
• Plan for rest time after practice

Start Simple

In the beginning, err on the side of shorter sessions and less intensity. You can always do more, but pushing too hard too soon can create setbacks. Let your nervous system guide the pace.

Safety Is Not Weakness

In some cultural contexts, there can be subtle messaging that needing to feel safe is a sign of weakness: that we should be able to "push through" discomfort and that attending to our nervous system's needs is somehow indulgent.

This view is both scientifically incorrect and counterproductive to healing. The nervous system needs experiences of safety to develop regulatory capacity. Pushing through without regard for the body's signals does not build resilience; it often creates further dysregulation.

True resilience is not the ability to ignore the body's signals but the ability to respond to them skilfully: to recognise when the nervous system is activated and to have the resources to return to equilibrium.

Creating safety is not coddling; it is creating the conditions for genuine healing and growth.

Moving Forward

With an understanding of healing, somatic approaches, trauma, and safety, you now have the conceptual foundation for TRE practice.

Ready to begin? Check out the Quick Start Guide or learn more about the history of TRE and the tremor mechanism.

As you prepare to engage with the practice, I encourage you to reflect on your own relationship with safety. Do you tend to push through? Do you have difficulty sensing when you are dysregulated? Are there environments or relationships that support your regulation? This self-awareness will serve you well as you begin working with TRE.